Productivity is Counterproductive
On my journey, I had to release a lot of beliefs that no longer fit in with where I was going, and perhaps one of the most difficult was the belief that I need to be productive. In fact, this belief was one of the last ones to go. Like so many beliefs that we outgrow, I thought being productive was actually a GOOD thing for many years. I prided myself on my productivity, my exhaustion, my struggle, never once realizing that it was the next thing that had to go.
When I was productive, I felt worthy, valuable, significant. When I wasn’t productive, I felt lazy, less-than, a slacker. I couldn’t see my worth unless I was doing something that I deemed worthy.
So I would just keep doing. I built a very successful business through a LOT of hard work and productivity. But I just couldn’t sustain it anymore. I woke up one morning and realized that I wasn’t enjoying it like I wanted to. The business that I loved so much had become a weight.
But did I let that deter me? Nope. I just dug in and told myself to “stop whining and get it in gear”. Clearly, what I experienced as unhappiness was just that secret lazy, slacker side of my sneaking through. That secret side that I’d been battling against my whole life. I certainly wasn’t going to let that get a toehold in my life. I’d worked to hard to allow that.
And then I broke my arm. My dominant arm. It was the greatest thing that could’ve happened to me at that time. (I’m one of those that can miss the subtle signs, and need to really get the message from the Universe in a big way.)
Suddenly, I couldn’t do so many of the “tasks” that I’d been doing for so long. I was confronted with one of my biggest fears: not being productive. Not relying on action to cover up what was really going on inside. Not doing something to avoid difficult emotions.
What I realized was that I’d been hiding behind my productivity. I’d been using it as a shield to avoid moving through my own internal beliefs: that I only had value when I was “doing” something productive.
As I was immobilized with my arm, I noticed the pattern in a way that I never had before. The moment I felt an ounce of emotional discomfort, I wanted to go “do” something. Rather than fix the real problem (that I had some more work to do on myself), I avoided it by taking action.
Of course, since I was taking action from a place of doubt and worry, what was I creating through my action? More doubt and worry. It kept me plateaued, with a sense of “I know there’s more out there for me, but I can’t seem to get there.”
When I was forced to stop taking action, I realized how counterproductive all that productivity really was. Almost like an addiction. Something to take my eye off the internal work that I still had to do.
I now see my need to be productive as forcing myself into an action that I’m really not ready to take. I decided to practice not needing to feel productive. I used the urge to “get going” as my signal that I was off track. When I’m off track, more action is the last thing I want to introduce.
I still practice this from time to time. When we’re in the middle of a big launch week. When I’ve made a commitment to another person. When I’ve set a big goal that scares me. When I’m working on my book.
I can see my desire to be productive for what it truly is: my internal self-sabotage pattern. I know that honoring that can only be counter-productive, so I try to give it as little space as possible.
Here’s the best part: When I gave up the need to feel productive, I freed myself to do more of what I really love. To follow my impulses. To let others do what they are best at. To actually start enjoying my business again.